He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
