She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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