Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We are two peas in an std pod
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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