There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
