I don't think brook has ever known best
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
