omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
