PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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