people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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