I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
