don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
