Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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