Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
