there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
