My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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