dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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