paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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