As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
