I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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