So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
