whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
