i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
