a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
