I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
