My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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