I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
