Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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