I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
