YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the condom got lost in my hair
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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