Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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