btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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