shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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