You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
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You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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