is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
