I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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