What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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