No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
