Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
