I want to stick my p in your. b.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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