I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
