im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
