If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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