u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
