Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
