i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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