put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
