The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
