dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
