Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
