just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
