Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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