and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
