It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
