last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
