is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize