so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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