i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
