sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
