remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
