I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
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I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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