I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
