Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
