I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
