I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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