I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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