im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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