well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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