My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
