it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
