he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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