i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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