I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
