The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
